Epilogue of "IDK If Its Real"

Previously:

Faisal: ohh yeah 7ta Ana knt abi aklmk b 4a elmaw'6oo3

Me: what's about it?:$

Faisal: ma r7 nkml m3 b3'6:$

--

Me: wait, what?

Faisal: let me rephrase that. We are not going to have a future together.

Me: shuutt uppp pffftt what the heck?:$

Faisal: I'm one hundred percent serious

The fact that I didn't know if it's real or not.

I also was about to say the same but in other way.. I was frozen by that time full of question marks. I never thought one day I'd be at the same position, and feeling. We might've had some fights but still, we took a huge step forward. Traditional love starts at the age of 20+, I wasn't even 19. I thought it was an actual love, but it wasn't. Nothing lasts forever; I was still a teen, and he can't take a responsibility of owning house, owning family, and work for long hours. Traditional marriage is probably the right choice, never ever think "I just want to get married so that I get out of this shitty place" I did say the same. Honestly. You'll miss being daddy's little princess, you'll miss having your own care, you'll miss being safe and sound between your parents shoulders, you'll miss acting such a kid in front of everyone, you'll actually miss your old life. Marriage isn't a game, it's a huge step. Never put marriage as a first choice, it's too heavy to carry during your whole life. It ain't plan A nor B, its plan Z.

Yepp you might not know about the reality.

Him crossing my thoughts so I could stop over thinking, wasn't thaaatt bad.

Faisal: umm Samaher? What's wrong?

I was so disgusted of him right at that time, looking at him as if I just smelled dog’s poop or something worst. So it was the end, got out of the car and didn’t even dared to speak a word.

There’s always that wonderful calm place where you always go while you’re not feeling okay. Mine is one of the cafés that has a blessing view. Ordered a fired up tea because I almost got frozen from shaking and being scared.

Scared of what? Scared of the future in front. I over-thought, couldn’t be more far. Perhaps my brain stopped working, but naah got a phone call from mom.

Mom –excited-: hallaaa b samhoora 7beebtii

Me: ahlain mama..

Mom: 7beebtii shfeek? 9otk mu 3ajbni! Esm3ii 3ndi lkii bshara!!

Me: uuummm… goli

Mom: ana w abook f Miami!! T3ali bsr3a 5o4ena mn elma6aar!

Me: yallah jeet!

Payed the price of the tea and walked across to the parking lot. T3rfu sh3oor elli ykoon fi sh59 warakom w mt2kdeen enna he’s chasing you? La la it wasn’t Faisal for sure! Pffftt Samaher stop it mu ‘39b ykoon yla7gni anaa.

-arrived to the airport-

Mom: hallaaa mamaa 7beebtiii eshtgna lkk<3

Dad: b3d galbi samhooraa<3 kbrtiiii w 9rtii maraa!

Me: grroouuuppp hugggg:(!

Dad: taranii ju3aaaannn w 7ayma kbdii mn elma6aar!

Me: 5ala9 yalla emshu a3sheekom=))

E5trt lhom ma63am Italian ygallkom 3ashanhom kbaar lol.

Daaayymm they have to mention this subject up.:

Mom: haa samaher keefk enti w faisal?

Me: -cleared my throat- ehm el7amdellah..

Dad: rabbii y5leekom lb3’6! Ma etfgtu mta al3rs?

Me: hhh umm rabbi ma ktblna mustagbal sawa..

Mom: hawww!! Keef y3ni?

Me: y3nii 5alaa9 enf9lna elyoom

Mom: samaher tstahbleen?? 3ala asas 3yaal elderaa wagfeen 3nd bab beetk ytgdmoon?? M7d jayek! 4ii for9a leesh t’6ay3enhaa???

Me: wsh 3alay mnhom?! W leeeesh m7d byjii?? A9lan meen gaal enni afkr belzawaj! Y3nii afhm enk t’39beeni atzwj?!

Mom: ee a’39bk! Ana omk! E4a glt shy tsaweena! Bsr3a klmeeh w e3t4rii!!

Me: ma r7 aklmh! Hu bnfsa gaal ma ybeeni! Leesh ar59 nfsii gdaam wa7d ma ybeeni?

Dad: ehduu warakom t9ar5on 3ama! Yr7m waldeenk 5alli elbnt tt9rf mn nafsaha! Samaher 7beebti entii shoofi el97 w saweeh.

Mom: broo7 atmasha etrokoni.

Me: ughhh.. baba ent 5lk m3ha w ana brj3 lbeeti..

Dad: 5ala9 7beebti twklii 3ala allah w la tsheelen hm<3

Me: shukran<3

Rkbt elsayara w kal3ada nseet my credit card..

Bs ma 9aar shy.. w9lt elbeeet w anaa t333baanaaaa..

Me: ughhh.. –throwing my body over the couch- yoom m5ees mthl wjhii.

Fai: 3asa ma shar?

Me: abd.. mali nafs a7kii, broo7 l’3rftii banaam l7d yz3jnii please

Noura: jaya m3k b7akeek estnii

-Samaher’s room-

Me: nouraa b3deen a7keekom, w ma feeni shy bs t3b dawaam. Don’t worry.

Noura: ejlsii bgool lk shy..

Me: -sits close to noura- e7kii

Noura: have I ever mentioned how sexy your body is?

Me: n3m?!

Noura: yes.

Me: loool noura bala est’hbaal abad mali 5lg

Noura: -taking off her icecap-

Me: uuu7777 weeen sh33rkk??

Noura: lol shofeeh –getting closer and whispers- bs enh g9eer..

We were three inches apart.

And yes. Noura sadly turned out to be such a lesbian.

Noura: uuggghhh…

Ssslllaaaaaaaappp…

Noura: what the heck?!! How dare you!

Me: bsr3a. e6l3i. manbi 8a4ara felbeet w beenna. Agool lk E6L3I!!!

Fai&Johara&Manal: hwww!! Bsmellah shfeekom?! 3asa ma shr?? NNOURRAAA!!!!

Fai: bsmellah sh9ayerr!! Noura shfeekk?? You look pervert..

She pushed them away and escaped to nowhere.

Me: mu 6be3eya hal bnt. Jn jnoonha.

Johara: Sh9aar?

Me: she was like “have I ever mentioned how sexy you’re?” and tried to kiss me! I mean what the hell!

Fai: mn awwal w ana 7asa feeha bala:)!

Me: 6yb leesh ma gltii?

Fai: 5ft tz3aloon mnii!

Manal: lessa mani m9dgaa.. y3ni 9dg lately 9ayra tt9rf k2nha walad..

Me: efff 5alaaa9 abii artaaaa77:’( please swo shan6a feeha malabs’ha w 76ooha barra incase rj3t.

Johara: 5ala9 nami ana bswi

Me: shukraann<3

6l3u w of course I locked my door and did my night routine.

Mu 6bee3i elli y9eer.. fj2a kl shy ja wara b3’6! A7s mani 3arfa wsh aswii..

Gmt bsr3a w lbst light brown ugg boots, black leggings, and oversized black jacket. Ran quickly downstairs,

Johara: ween ray7aa?

Me: b6l3. Ymkn at25r.

Uncountable missed calls. Finally, last but not least, she answered.

We decided to meet over the bridge next to the downtown.

Me: esh 9aar lk? Y3ni meen ‘3yr lk tfkeerk? Akeed mu e7na. we always behave wisely, enti meen elli jrk l4ii el7ala? Elli sawwaha ‘3ayraan mnk fa s7bk lmatahaat ma t5l9. W enti bkl ‘3abaa2 t9dgeeen. 6yb at least shawrii? Abadan ma ntw83ha mnk. Klna m9doomen!

Noura-interrupting-: entom kl shy ttmnoona hu boyfriend, w enti 3ala8tk bdt tfshl bel a5eer. Fa glt bdaal ma ttmnoon w tt’6ayagoon a9eer makanhom..

Me: laaa e7lfiii?? Mree’6a wella mree’6a? nbii rjaal bel7alaaaal. Mu 7araaaamm. W b3deen wshu tsmeen nfsk rjaal?? Allah yhdeek. Shofi. Ya e7na, ya ‘3eerna. Bye, allah ystr 3leena w 3leek.

I still have hope. Hope to correct every mistake that happened today. I just need to behave wisely.

-whatsapp-

Me: ahleen mama, asfa 3ala elli 9aar elyoom.. elmafroo’6 shawartkom awwal, bs tara mu kl shy bel’3a9b.. rabbi ma ktb li akoon m3ah. Atmanna ttfahhamen..

Finally, slept.

Next morning, woke up and did my morning routine without checking my phone. During the class I couldn’t stop thinking,

-whatsapp-

Mom: mu mushkela a9lan t9arraft bdoon tafkeer. Weenk?

Me: fel class

Mom: e4a 5alla9ti ta3ali hotel X abeek ‘9arori.

Abd mali 5lg lshy ‘9arori. Walked across the street to Starbucks of course.

Ordered my hot mocha then,

..: heeyy, can I have a seat?

Me: ummm sure..

Employee: lately I’ve been always seeing you here.=))

Me: pffftt is it bothering you?

Employee: oh! No! don’t get me wrong! I mean you’re drinking too much caffeine.

Me: so?

Employee: not good?

Me: whatever? Its non of your business?

Employee: oh I’m not trying to flirt or something, I just came to talk and that’s it..

Me: ok. Sorry.

Employee: na its okay, it looks like I’m disturbing you so I’ll keep going. –left-

Trying to enjoy the cold atmosphere with my hot sugarless mocha.

I got the feeling ‘IDK If Its Real’ or not. Questions with no answers going around my clueless cold atmosphere.

Yallah nshoof el’9arori.

Oh have I ever mentioned? My car is Mini Cooper, lets take a quick flashback,

-flashback-

Me: 7beebii abiii 4iii elsayaraa marraa cute saageeennaaa tnf33sss:3

Faisal: bsmellah la y6l3 lna jnii=)) ‘3aaallii w el6alabb r5eeee99<33

Me: shut up knt agoolha 3b6. A9lan w3 5lga ma tkfi rasi.

-end of flashback-

*knock* *knock*

Mama: ahlaainn –hug- esm3ii bd5l lk belmaw’6oo3 bsr3a bdoon lf oo dawaran.

Me: golii

Mama: samaher 7beebti X Al X tgdm lk elyoom el9ub7.

Me: bss tawnii tark..

Mama-interrupting-: bs galu 5o4o ra7tkom ma y7taj tjawboon bdrii. Oo 36tnii omma ragma lu b’3eeti t7akeena. Shofeeh henak bel6awlaa

Me: 5ala9 okay, tbeen shy thani?

Mama: salamtk

Y5ii akrah lamma y9eer ke4a. 8smbellah atmna enh 7lm 3ashan ma asheel hm!! Jtnii ka2aba mu 6be3eya. 56r aroo7 l mustashfa amraa’6 nfseya l2n 5alaa9 a7s bnfjr!

Five days passed by in peace, yet noura isn’t back.

6l3t akl bel yard l2n eljaw kan 7loo! W lgeet ‘6rf m3lg 3ala elmassa7at 7gt sayartii….

" سماهر يا اغلى ما عندي..

ادري خيبت ظنك, تعلقت و علقتك فحبنا و بالاخير اصدمك و اضايك بالكلام.

خفت اقولها قدامك و انتي تحبيني و احول حياتك لعذاب ما ابيك تذوقينه ابد.

بس ما فيني حيل اني اكمل معك حياتك و انا حياتي قصيرة..

كم مره قلتي لي عن قصص وفاة الزوج و شعور البنت و شعورك لو كنتي مكانها و ادعي لك ان ربي ما يحطك بهالمكان. بالفترة الاخيرة صرت احاول باي طريقة نتهاوش عشان على الاقل تكرهيني شوي و العذاب عليك يخف (الله لا يذوقك بطعم العذاب)

شفتي حق ستاربكس؟ الولد اللي بس يلاحقك؟ هذا بدر ال... وصيته ان ينتبه عليك اذا رحت. مثلنا اننا ما نعرف بعض. استأذن مني ان يكلمك, عشان على الاقل يسمع صوتك اللي يخليني اطير من الفرح اذا سمعته.

لاني اثق فيه و رجال صدقي.. قررت اخليك له. لاني رح اكون واثق انك بخير و انا بعيد.

ما رح انكر اني صدق حبيتك و تمنيتك لي طول حياتي, بس الله يوفقك.. بس ابيك تدعين لي بالخير. تعرفين كيف كنت احس لما اشوفك تصيحين.

تمنيت اعيشك عيشة حلوه هنيه و اشوف عيالك اللي من جيناتي و جيناتك. بس ربي كتب لي شي ثاني و كتب لك انك تكونين لغيري.

ابي اسمع منك الكلمة اللي تخليني ادمع من كثر ما هي طالعة من قلبك.. ااايييوااا هذي الكلمة!

والله انك ملاك منرسل للارض! يا حظ بدر والله احسده! ان شا الله ربي يوفقكم مع بعض و تشوفون عيالكم يكبرون و يتزوجون وحدة عادية لان اصلا ما في زيك!

الله اعلم قد ايش احبك!

فيصل."

I never thought I’d use the paper that my mom gave me.. the one that has X’s number. Remember?

-calling-

..: aloo..

Me: baderrr allah y5aaleeekk weeeennhh???

Bader: samaher ehdii.. ma wdii agool lk eyaaha bs hu b X hospital..

Driving as fast as I can!! El7amdellah the hospital was near to my place!

Me: excuse me! Faisal Al X is where???!!

Nurse: hmmmmmm.. mmmmm.. mmmmmm.. mmmmmmm.. mmmmmmm.. mmmmmmm.. mmmmmmmmmm.. mmmmmmmmmm.. mmmmm.. mmmmmm.. mmmm.. mmmmmm.. mmm.. mmmmmmm…….. cancer patient?  room number 739.

Me: thanks!!!

I literally breathed as fast as sonic!

Me: faaii99aall 7beebii a77bbkk a7bbkkkk aaaaa777bbbbbkkkkk!!!!!

Faisal –taking off the oxygen mask-: ajal 3rftii elklmaa hhh, a7bk akthar bktheer..

They were the last touches, kisses, and hugs before his.. his.. his.. can’t even type it out…

Ended up hearing “ el7eeen wsh r77 ngool l2hlaa??” “leesh magaal mn awwal” “7araam elwld raa7 mu beednaa!” “ee allah yr7maa bs..” “bs wshoo??” “ bs y3nii.. 5ala9 wala shy!”

63nat. 63nat. 63nat. 63nat.

Ma r7 a9ee7. Ma r7 a9ee7. W3dta. Byz3l lu 97t.

“samaher?” “samaher bnti?” “ween 6rti?”

Me: uhm..mm.. n3m babaa..

Baba: bntii 7beebti tara lazim tro7een togfeen b3azaah..

Me: 7a’6er baba..

Baba: waseehom shwy..

Asfaa baba bs shloon awaseehom w ana ma twaseet?

Mrt el thalath ayaam w k2n glbii b jhnm yn7rg..

Me: 5altii?

Um faisal: smii 7beebtii? B’3eeti shy?

Me: salamtk, bs 3adi aklmk bdoon ma tt’6ayageen?

Um faisal: adrii, a3rf wsh r7 tgoleen, samaher 7beebti faisal allah yr7ama w9ana feek akthar mn ma w9a f e5wana, w gaal mahma 9aar ma ng63 3ala8tna m3k. kaan dayem y7keena 3n sh3oora feek. Y3ni faisal Abadan ma kaan ke4a! mu 7g 7ub abdddd!! Bs wareeteh el7ub el9dgii keef. Gaal e4a 97ti 3leeh n6gk! Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Mta ma e7tjti ay shy ta3alii 3ndna! R7 nkoon ahlk la tst7een!

***

Baaaaacckkk to the present!! Now! I’m pregnant:$ 7^th month! Isn’t the first!

Meme is 12 years old! She’s very good at drawing exactly like her first father allah yr7ama!

Faisal is 6 years old!  He literally looks like his father:o ‘3shhh!

Remember when I first mentioned that I’m a fashion designer? Now, I’m the owner and creator of SAM store!

And released my new collection called “ For The Love of F”

Sorry! I’m so late for Faisal’s first graduation!! I have to close up right at this time!