Previously:
The more the days pass, the more I have became addicted. I was in my deepest point of depression; I never had family, friends, lover, or anyone else. Even that group? We just never talked! We just get high and get along with our life.
I just wanted to feel loved.. I just wanted to feel safe.. I just wanted to feel valued.. I just wanted to be heard.. I just wanted to be considered.. i just wanted to be liked.. I just wanted to be treated as a normal human.. I just wanted to live just like any other teen and adult..
Drugs were a temporary get away. Things were not changing to the better.. it was the total opposite! Because it was all I was doing and I kept getting more addicted to it. That made me realize why it is actually illegal.
I had to pull myself out of this extremely deep grave that I have buried myself into..
So I started to gradually cut off the drugs to the point where I can live the day without it and mainly without NEEDING it. It did take quite a long time; but, I have put my mind to it. So, it was much easier. Faster, as well, because I was not that stubborn adult; I had a goal in mind.
Of course.. for that group? I have texted them, telling them that my uncle caught me and that he will call the cops if he knew that they were coming.. Ha! They never texted back to that lie.
After that.. I had to start new.. I had to have a fresh start!
I truly wanted to have a kid, and to give that kid all of what I have missed. But I was too hesitant that I’m not really worth it because of my past. In addition to that, I thought that I cannot be THAT mom because I do not know what’s the meaning of that..
But I had to go for it because I cannot be locking myself in that cage forever.
I packed all of my belongings and left a note for my uncle.. wrong choice? Nah.. I did not want to see him happy when I tell him that I’m moving on AND away..
Of course before leaving I had to have a job to provide myself with food and to cover all of the bills, such as, the apartment bills, phone bills, etc. having a job will help me with my next step.. which is adopting.
I started working as a secretary
And I finally took a step further and adopted a girl!
Her name is Sarah,
She was 2 years old when I adopted her!
Obviously, at the very beginning it was truly hard because I did not really have a broad background on children and how to communicate and what to feed her and when to do everything.. literally. It was nerve-racking, I admit. It felt like she was not enjoying my care and company. But I came into realization that:
CLEARLY she is a baby.. it is obviously so hard to let a two year old adapt to a new place and a new adopter whom she never met before!
So, I started being more careful and stopped being so pushy. Then eventually she started communicating and being expressive and responsive! Let me tell you.. what a relief!
This was probably.. actually.. it isss the best choice I have ever made.
Since the moment I have adopted her my eyes could not stop looking at her and I could not stop playing with her to the point that I brought her every single day to my office! I also kept procrastinating all of my work to go out and have so many quality times with her and not to forget to mention!..Our cutest mommy and daughter dates!
She cherished me, she taught me how to be so dedicated and loving, she made me feel blessed, she made me grow up and be humble, she made me face my fears, she made me breathe again, she healed all of my wounds, she made me smile. Every. Single. Day. Morning. Night. Hour. Minute. Second. Millisecond.
And most importantly.. she made me see my life in a total different perspective!
She was my missing piece..
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